The Name Game of Love
by fluffy pantoufle
Summary: One-shot; Squinoa. Selvine. Sefitis. Name amalgamations that drive Zell nuts, all thanks to Selphie and a tabloid magazine. And now he's being forced to sit through an engagement party? Yikes!


The (Name) Game of Love

By: **fluffy pantoufle**

A/N: What? Not a Zinoa? Craziness! Ah, but I figured I'd play with the "Brangelina" trend of ship identification not only in FF8, but in all genres of fanfiction. Enjoy!

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_Squinoa. _

Zell hated the sound of the word. On his tongue, in his mind…wherever it came up was irrelevant. The new term that Selphie coined in order to describe the relationship between Squall and Rinoa was the latest in the trend of insanity that was sweeping Balamb Garden. The martial artist wasn't quite sure if he could take so much lovey-dovey behavior in one week. He was forced to triple check his calendar to assure himself that it wasn't Valentine's Day - nope, they were in the throes of the summer months for sure. So why the hell had everyone become so enamored with the stoic Commander and his sorceress paramour?

Squall insisted that it was a late birthday gift to Rinoa - he wanted to make sure that she didn't see it coming. Zell thought otherwise, especially because everyone had at one point or another seen Rinoa pouting over diamonds and other engagement trinkets in the shop windows of Deling City. It was like she took off one of Squall's belts and whipped him with it herself.

Funnily enough, for as confused as Zell was with the engagement, Irvine was absolutely appalled. Irvine Kinneas was a firm believer in marriage as the last legal form of slavery. As far as the fated "plunge" went, the cowboy would be more tempted to fall into a pit of spiky Cactuar than agree to matrimony. He treated Squall's proposal to Rinoa as a personal insult, a slap in the face of the magnificent "bromance" that had been created between Squall, Irvine, and Zell. When either Squall or Zell questioned Irvine about the exalted male friendship, the cowboy brushed them off. It was their fault if they didn't want to truly embrace the bonds that made them _men._

"Squall buddy, you sure that this is what you want to do?" Irvine inquired one night in the cafeteria. "I mean, once upon a time a wise man told me this: when you're single, your pockets jingle. You're not really _single_, but you're not married either. So, uh…what I'm try'na say in not so many words is, um…maybe you should think this over?"

"A wise man didn't tell you that, Irvine." Squall replied. "You came up with that last week when you were supposed to have taken those SeeD candidates for their trial field exam."

Irvine grinned sheepishly, almost proud of his little mantra. "I did, didn't I?"

Of course, when Selphie arrived fifteen minutes later, Irvine had changed his tune completely. Zell even took a moment from his feverish hotdog consumption to notice the palpable change in his friend's attitude.

"Irvykins! How is my snuggle bear doing today, sweetie-pie-honey-doll-face?!" Selphie clung to her boyfriend's arm, awkwardly rubbing her cheek against his shoulder as she squealed. Zell could see the sweat form on Irvine's brow as he tried to think of a response to Selphie's behavior, comparable to injecting a pink, fluffy teddy bear with excessive amounts of both sugar and perhaps ecstasy. The blonde wouldn't have been surprised to find a stash of the psychedelic hidden in her sock drawer somewhere, waiting to be ingested for occasions such as this.

"I'm doing great, uh…saccharine panties."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Selphie brandished a tabloid magazine and threw it on the table, the smacking sound of the paper hitting the surface echoing throughout the room. "SQUINOA!"

All three boys raised a quizzical eyebrow at her cry.

"Don't you see, Squally? You and Rinny have been so close for so long that it only makes sense! All the celebrities do it with their names, see?" Selphie pointed to a couple that graced the front cover of the magazine. They were two beautiful people - _beautiful _in that soulless type of way - and led an equally broody herd of children through a crowded street. Their hands were clasped around one another, but the grip looked as if their arms were wet noodles rather than attached to two loving people. "I even thought of one for us, Irvy!"

The cowboy glanced nervously at his male companions. "…Irvphie?"

Zell chuckled. "That sounds like somethin' you'd need a couple remedies for."

Selphie glared at the blonde before turning her attention back to her boyfriend. "No, silly. Selvine! Isn't that cute?"

"Oh…adorable." Irvine knew better than to provoke the bubbly brunette. Irvphie, Selvine…it didn't matter to him. He'd make sure she was screaming it all and then some later that night.

"Anyway, don't you like the idea, Squall?" Selphie grinned even wider then she had been, if that was at all possible. "You and Rinny _are _like Balamb's own little celebrities, you know!" She jumped up and gave Irvine a peck on the cheek. "But I've gotta go, you guys. See ya later!"

As Selphie left, Squall's face went pale. Both boys noticed this and thought that maybe in some roundabout way, Selphie's names had hammered home the resoluteness and finality that came with marriage. They hoped that Squall would come to his senses, realize that they were all young, and put the idea of marriage firmly behind him.

_Yeah. Some good that did,_ Zell thought gruffly as he sat several weeks later at "Squinoa's Engagement Celebration," as Selphie called it. The blonde couldn't get away from the word, especially since the Garden Festival Committee painted it on a banner that hung above Zell's head in large, silvery letters. He couldn't help but wonder at himself, for he knew that this engagement shouldn't have bothered him as much as it did.

Zell laid in bed earlier that day, trying to say the word "Squinoa" over and over until it sounded foreign and weird on his tongue, but to no avail. Luckily, it was weird enough on its own. If he could convince several people that it actually was a terminal disease and not a phrase used to generate even more fascination with Squall and Rinoa, he'd feel accomplished. Certainly he could persuade the impressionable first year cadets…they probably weren't even sure of who Squall and Rinoa were yet…

Of course, however, he couldn't do that. He was Zell Dincht! Who didn't love good old Zell? When all else became murky and unclear, it was still common knowledge that Zell would remain a loyal friend - he lived true to his reputation, regardless of jealousy.

"Jealousy?" Zell wondered out loud, flipping over so that his face was buried in his pillow. Perhaps that was right. There was a Squinoa, a Selvine - even a Sefitis, if Seifer played his cards correctly. Zell couldn't combine his name with anyone. In a last, desperate effort, he attempted to just say his name quickly enough so that it sounded as if two people were involved, but in the end it just reminded him of crazy talk.

"Zelldincht Zelldincht Zelldincht Zelldincht…"

Anyway, later that day Zell was sitting at the engagement party alone, although it was more his own doing than anything else. He had a stack of hotdogs on his table and a large pitcher of water in case he began to choke. Engagements had become secondary to this magnanimous gastronomical delight.

What he didn't expect was anyone to interrupt him, especially since everyone knew how important this meal would be. The cafeteria had been out of hot dogs all week, much to his chagrin. Just as he lifted one to his mouth, he heard the chair next to him scrape against the floor. He glanced over, only to be met with the prettiest pair of hazel eyes he had ever seen.

"Hey there, Zell!"

Ellone. Not only was he interrupted, but this was done so by the person that Zell expected least. He had always admired Squall's big 'Sis,' but admittedly couldn't remember much of her from the orphanage. Luckily, he didn't forget her inquisitive, beautiful face that even now was studying him curiously.

"Hullo, 'Lone," he replied, placing his hotdog down. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing much - same as you, I guess." She smiled and helped herself to a glass and the pitcher of water. "I just got to Balamb this morning with Laguna! We'll be here for the next couple of days."

"Cool!" Zell took the pitcher and poured it for her in an effort to be gentlemanly. "Balamb's really nice - you should head to town and check it out. I'd even give ya a tour, if you're not too busy!"

Ellone giggled, taking the glass from Zell. "I've been there before, but I'd like that very much!" She took a sip of the water before she spoke. "You look a little bummed, Zell. May I ask why?"

"Bummed?" Zell's eye's widened at how Ellone caught on - he forgot how impeccably keen she was. Still, he tried to deny it. "I'm not bummed! Squall and Rin are getting married! This is a great day for…"

He felt Ellone trace her fingertips along the contours of his face, sending his consciousness to a time and a place that were all but clear in his memory. They were children at the orphanage. In a rare moment, Squall was being entertained by Selphie and for once, Zell wasn't being tortured by Seifer. They were all sitting along the beach, watching the sky become dotted with stars as night arrived, slow but steadfast.

"_Ellie! Ellie!" Little Zell ran up to Ellone, who was picking up sand and letting it fall through her fingers like the hourglass that Matron had showed her earlier. "I just thought of something super cool! Wanna hear?" _

"_Sure, Zell!" Little Ellone patted the sand and Zell plopped down next to her. "What did you think of?" _

_He saw the handful of sand that she had and mimicked her, taking two big handfuls for himself. "Well, I figgered that maybe, well…maybe me and you are like a bro and a sis!" _

_Ellone laughed. "Zell! No we're not! Why would you think that?" _

"_Our names, silly head!" Zell waved his arms in an attempt to make his words sound more important, but instead he just inadvertently threw sand everywhere. "Zell and Ellie! You know what that spells?"_

"…_no?"_

"_ZELLIE! We're a Zellie!" _

_Proud of himself, Zell jumped up and ran off - but not before giving Ellone a big hug. _

"…I dunno what to say, Ellie." Zell shook his head, almost as if to shake Ellone's presence from his mind. "I couldn't have remembered that if I tried."

She smiled. "I just thought you might want to be reminded of that. Selphie clearly stole the whole name-mashing concept from you, Zell!"

"She definitely did…" The blonde poured a glass of water for himself and took several sips before he looked back at Ellone. Her cheeks flushed slightly, as if that was a memory she was embarrassed to share. He couldn't wrap his head around it. Embarrassed? Why? They could _still _be a Zellie - well, Zellone, if he wanted to think of it in grown-up terms and if they factored out the whole brother-sister thing…

_Wait, what the hell am I thinking? _

"Zell?" Ellone tried to meet his gaze, her face and neck still a faint shade of pink. Was she thinking the same thing? "Everything OK?"

"Yeah, um…" He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Say, Ellone, I'd really love to take ya to Balamb tomorrow! There's one spot in particular near town that I wanna show you - you'll love it!"

"Is it near the beach?"

"You know it!"

_Heh…Zellone. Kinda has a ring to it! Man, was I a kid genius or what?_


End file.
